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9th December 2015
It's 4am. I'm noodling vaguely. My braincell is not frigging working. I can't think I'm trying to write stuffs... and my mind went blank. :
Still I may actually be awake at a time of day when I can call my mum this time ^_^;;; she was in the path of the latest storm and she's not responding to email... ^^; (Then again, most of the time, nor do I... so who am I to complain ^_^)
13th November 2015
I'm too young to need varivocals... WAHHHHH! :
Never go to specsavers on Friday the thirteenth... It will not be good for you...
On the upside, no damage from whatever the hell it is that keeps knocking my right eye out of kilter and hurting like there's a whole sand beech behind the eyelid.... And if it happens again, please do go back in whilst it is still happening...
25th December 2014
One) sword art online rocks the casbah, (even if ep 24 makes me feel a lot icky, be warned, icky trigger alerts!) and can netflix please release season 2? :
Two) huly dang, stuff just got real in toqger ep 41, I mean how often in the christmas Ep does the baddie kill all their allies?!
Three) kamen rider drive is fulfilling a deep seated need in me to have a smart ass sarcastic car argue with its cop driver. I loves it.
Four) Richard Hammond science programmes are cool. Nuff said.
Five) yeah. Not good at actually knowing what's happening on TV right now am I.... Must get around to watching the librarians...
Six) merry Christmas?
Seven) I really need a cup of coffee...
Eight) how do I stop doing this?
Nine) I wonder if I should cross post to lj...
Ten) since I wrote all that on fb, guess the answer was yes.
Eleven) where the hell did 2014 bugger off too, that was never a year, was it?
Twelve) ok, the new robocop is actually pretty okay. Actually I liked it, and it had some wonderful new things to say. Still prefer the original,but that's more due to familiarity I think. Good update.
12th March 2014
Okay, so not winning a item on eBay.. It happens right? So why the hell a I the one who nearly has hysterical crying and utter feelings of rejection for feeling too stupid to go and put the bid on the cheap set of gokai keys... If I'd gotten it right, I'd have had 5 keys for four quid, but I missed the cheap set and managed to screw up, and now I'm a) obsessive and b) miserable. :
Poot just does not do this justice.. And the stress headache is unbelievable.
Normal people don't get like this right?
28th February 2014
You know I was about to post here, but the effing chrome ipad app just ate my post by randomly at switching and I'm too pissy to redo it. :
Pretty sunsets, screwed in head, far to flappy, squeezing randomly and obsessive. Not good. Everyone tastes smells like tin, dull headache, neighbours still annoying, still randomly obsessing, No flowery language, too peeved to do nice post.
Effing ipad bits...
Very pretty sunset though.
10th August 2013
So tired all the time... :
Beth's bed broke yesterday. Just as she got on it. The bed that the moving men broke but made such a stink we didn't make a fuss, so at the end of a very long day, she needed me to help pick a new bed, which took all night, and which will arrive today now... from 8am on. and I finished that damn set of glass side shelves, they were awful, and they've destroyed my specs... do not buy these dirty great scratches right across the lens, annoying and liekly to get more so over time... and the reclining chair arrived, sod all assembly required there...
Look, almost worse than moving is that month after where nothing is quite right yet and stuff needs doing, buying assembling, throwing...
And the neighbours are still damn annoying and loud. Very loud.
31st July 2013
moved in a week. Got hot water, been to docs, skin is starting to resemble flesh rather than mutant alien parasite ^_^ :
But I still don't get why the hell the meter says we're using so much juice, we have less plugged in that the last place, we aren't running two fans 24/7, and we're using half to 2/3 again extra per day of leccy, (13/14 units a day as oppsed to 7-9 units) in addition to the random don't know how THAT happened 60 units that added themselves with no input from anyone in the week before we moved in (when the council took the reading)
also people lay very loud music till very late, there are death threats screamed outside, and the police were here several times last nigght till they finally knicked someone... otoh they were out in force last night across the area so again...
love the flat, wish for quieter neighbours, panic over potential power bill... sterating to stress that the new combi boiler isn't going to reduce the bills...
and finally, yes, I got signed up for the OU. Don't know how, but I'm all regged...
26th July 2013
moved in. not ded. no hot water. minor electrical glitch. the place ate 60 units of leccy in the week before we moved in... :
tired lots. Eczema really flared in heatwave and i'm all tired cold and exausted when I'm not hot and sweaty...
21st July 2013
movers in at 9. Never making it. Kill me. Please. not hyperbole, I can't handle this :
I mean for frigs sake, giving three days to move is just... stupid! viewing monday, then the damn boxes don't arrive till thursday, so half thurs, all fri sat sun, and first thing monday they just want to turn up and go
which genius thought that was okay? really!
20th July 2013
so much still to pack.. so much to move.. then having to dismantle and reassemble everythign at the other end.... :
it's too damn hot and I'm too damn tired and there's no damn space and there's no damn time... which genius decided that three days was an acceptable amount of time to move in?
17th July 2013
it's probably of no interest to anyone, but the viewing the new place went okay, that was monday, and will be moving in next monday. :
Stressfull or what?
21st June 2013
the council hath decreed... by the start of august shall I reside elsewhere... :
or in english, since they're demolishing this place soon, we need to vacate.. just waiting on the viewing, then within one to two weeks from that date... MOVING!
can I please have a panicky hyperventalating freakout here?
29th November 2012
I know I keep posting this everywhere today, but a letter through the door has just announced that the council are going to knock down giro city. And we're on the hit list... we're to go to a consultation... :
On one level, yeah, fine, it's a set of grotty horrid concrete blocks, and they are kinda beyond doing anything nice with, but still, it's a shock, and rather a large one.
They're going to knock muh home down....
13th November 2012
should I be this proud I re-lagged the boiler by nyself, and that the airing cupboard is now no longer hissing heat away? It's COOL in there, no more ratty dead decayed old lagging that should have been changed when we moved in, I'm just hideously proud for no good reason. Way to used to being useless I guess :
crossposted from of all places facebook
27th August 2012
just a tad pissy, the thief who stole the bank card managed an extra £70 or so of fraud due to the damn system at tesco not stopping the card and waiting till the 16th to note it. just spotted it and feeling frankly rather sick. :
Oh and stresed. can't forget stresed.
and still no damn replacement bakn cards and pins.
can I shriek yet?
15th August 2012
highs and lows
Trying to make yesterday add up in my head. Yesterday Beth managed to leave the house under her own power without me despite the agoraphobia, got some paperwork certed at the bank and posted her OpenUniversity application. Yesterday she got stolen from in the post office and we have no money. (unless and until the bank give it back). The bonus of the achievement has been utterly thrashed by the horror of the theft, so she's in a hell of a state, and frankly I'm blaming myself for all of it, I should have done SOMETHING, been better organised, got the paperwork ready for dispatch in the monrning not late afternoon... I just... feel crap. :
Too busy feeling mad at myself to really be able to get to grips with all of this, I mean... Im so proud of beth, getting out, doing it herself, ACHIEVING something major, this is going to really make her feel better... or would have till I heard the dread words "I'm never leaing the house again....... I use to stand up for it, butI don't feel safe in (our area) anymore"
and to be truthful, I/m feeling pretty wiped out and overwhelmed by the experience as well. Yesterday I had to hold it together, try not to completly lose the plot, cards had to be cancelled, police informed, online bill detils changed, and then it became clear the bank was drained. THat was bad - till then it was the loss of £20, and the wallet, the cards were bing replaced, it wasn't too bad... then...
it's the violation I think, the utter horror of your life being totally derailed for the momentary pleasure of someone elses life without care or warning...
I get stress. I get stress so damned bad that a good attack has been known to leave me looking like a member of a different species with scarlet skin and the inability to communicate in any meaningful way, usually wrapped around a self destructive feeling that takes an age to wear off... I don't think I'll be hungry for days, or feel entirely safe for longer... I get to be able to ignore the arses atthe shops by trying to hold myself in a tiny little ball in my head, noiw I'm going to be all paranoid again for AGES just like I used to be when we moved here.
And beth is going to be even worse off, this was a major MAJOR positive step for her.
And then some cow stole her cards and emptied the bank.
tl;dr Crime sucks victims really dont like it, OU documents are a pain but good to send
14th August 2012
feel sick. bank cards stolen. account emptied. want to open wrist
8th July 2012
at the end of last year I was horrified, I had nearly hit 14 stone. Today, I was filled with glee, I have hit 12 stone though 7 months of hard excersize bike. :
Still fat, still lazy, still flabby, but feeling better about life... next goal... can I hit 11 stone dead!
27th February 2012
go me, four years no cigs.... :
shouldn't I feel a sense of acheivement about now?
29th August 2011
someone remind me why I do the social thing when all it does is remind me how few people I actually know? And just when did I become such an isolated grump?
25th August 2011
since I've not seen anyone on my Flist post this yet, here is something cool... :
30th July 2010
sat on a netbook...
...because my laptop gave up the ghost sometime around 1pm, it's DEAD. Has power but won't POST. Thankfully the HD was okay, so I've snagged the irreplaceable stuff, and transferred off the settings... but it's still a devastating blow. I'm now on a loaner - beths netbook, since the p3 is really rather pants, plus the screen is loose so won't stay put. :
And runs linux.
I'll learn about that stuff later, just not today. Today is a bad day.
still, it could be worse I guess. Not sure how, but it could be worse.
on the technically geeky side,when it died I didn't even think about it, just got out screwdrivers, and swapped ythe hd to see if that was the issue. It wasn't, but I did a geeky thing!
rest in peace acer aspire 9300....
14th May 2010
Today came that most vexing of questions. Do I want to update my phone? my current phone is a tiddly little skype phone on three, but it does, after all, all I use it for is making emergency 999 calls, and to stay in touch when I'm at the local shops, in case there's a good bargain. Yet I'm over a year out of my last mobile contract and starting to wonder about the possibility of expanding my handset... :
Now as people who read this self indulgant gibberish know, I've already had it rubbed in my face that when it comes to exciting dynamic powerful phones, with apps and internet and always on, texting, twitter I am... Well, quite frankly, the sort of person who sits at home with two yoghurt pots on a peice of string happily making blu-tack dice. That one was a very miserable realisation, so... today, since understandably, still quietly coming apart at the seems over money and lack thereof (thanks ever so much DSS, still stressing, send the damn appeal info please, you're starting to give me ulcers and chest pains...) so to the three website I went.
Now I don't need all that uber spiffy stuff, I just need a very cheap telephone, and hey - there's one that's dirt cheap, the Nokia E63, a peice of kit more notable for the fact it comes with an internet package and one of those blackberry-esque keypads than any other point of particular note. Also, it's five smackers a month cheaper than my current one. Though it's got a 24 month contract.
Yes, I kid you not, this ancient ass phone (okay, 18 months since release, but it's hardly the most exciting piece of kit - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nokia_E63
) has a 24 month contract. You heard... that is a DAMN long time to be tied onto a phone whose main attraction is apparently it does email. When am I ever going to need to make a major email at the corner store, will I ever find myself whilst on the way to the post box seized by the urge to do something exciting on a mailing list? it's all terribly depressing isn't it... Once I worked a call centre, and everyone will tell you that I'm actually very good at being on the other end of the phone - but stuff all use at picking the damn thing up and calling anyone (assuming there's anyone who'd want a call from me, I know I wouldn't ^_^ )
So now, I find myself looking at phones going "I'm never gunna need that, I have a laptop - I can DO all of these net type things, I don't need this sort of roaming ability, I can watch my stuff on a 17 inch screen, why would I want a phone to do it for me? It's all terribly depressing. Because the thing is I want the phones that do all these spiffy things, but what's the stuffing point if I'm never going to use them, and worse, be so scared of loosing them, or damaging them, or even taking them out in public, that frankly, why bother?
Sorry, this post was a lot more coherent on the way back from the shops, when I was making it up to distract from the blinding headache, but well, the headache isn't g0ing away ^^; sorry to rant everyone.
(so - do I want a phone that is basically good for email when its main function is to call the ambulance if I get knocked down, have an asthma attack, spot a person in medical distress? but it is cheaper... [sigh])
26th April 2010
Power, having and having not.
Power cuts are truly terrifying things, and, should we believe the hype, something we really ought to prepare for more in the UK. Still, it doesn't stop them being any less scary when they come unexpectedly plunging the world into darkness, no cheery blue of led, no bright yellow glare of the bulb, the dull electrical hum that permeates our whole lives almost inaudibly but subtly recognised on the edge of perception is suddenly gone and eerily, scarily.. . quiet, the breathing you barely notice suddenly the loudest thing in your world, almost blasphemous to breach this utter SILENCE... :
In Darkness you go for the torch you memorized the position of, go to the emergency candle stash, all set up and ready for this occasion, light them, and sit back in the golden flickering of candles, thanking goodness for gas hobs, permitting a couple of cups of hot drinks to be made in the otherwise emptiness.
Then you get down to being good and bored. There's something of the waiting room in the dentists in a power cut, sat as you are waiti9ng for goodness knows how log for your number to come up, and something to happen, mixed in with a certain dread. In the dentists this is understandable, in a power cut, it's the utter terror that the power isn't coming back and this is going to be the way it is, for the rest of time, and dammit your on a night time zone, there aren't enough candles, you miss you tech toys, no tv, no computer, no internet (though Bethy did okay on her iPhone, it's not really the same as having a big powerful laptop in front of you).
Eventually, after 25 minutes, the power came back and the electronic world that immerses in itself was back, but it's always one of those odd things when it comes along and scares the pants off you. Sitting here in the light of an electric bulb, typing on a laptop on an online blog (and LJ, hi folks there!) instead of recording it in a paper diary, it suddenly occurs how much we take it all for granted. And how utterly primally we are freaked when one of these key underpinnings of our lives is taken away. For instance, I quite enjoy a scheduled power cut while they do maintenance, I get extra candles, maybe a deck of those silly top trumps cards, make sure the hand held consoles are charged, and sit down and have fun through it, maybe if it's a daytime, have a good book to hand, or some chores to do while my time isn't being spent being distracted from the world around me by the bright glare of plasma and neon, diode and cathode.
And listen to the world around me, its bird noises, the terrifying buzz of flying insects, traffic in the distance, the people in the flat below walking into the walls and relax.
I used to like camping out in the countryside, it was fun, lots of merry people, the buzz of distant generators power burger vans in the distance, and a beautiful starry sky. Today, I probably still like that. I just don't want to ever contemplate that in my own home, or the possibility of the rolling blackout they watrn is coming down the line, energy poverty, and wondering will the lights every come back on?